More people who bug me:

1. People who use dialogue as a verb

2. Tobacco companies

3. People who use their horn too much when driving

4. People who put eleven million pop-up ads on their website, especially those really annoying windows that you can never seem to actually look at so they just lurk there and harass you. How is that a useful marketing ploy?

5. Any devout believer in any religion, except for the Real Live Preacher and anyone he thinks is okay.

6. People who move to foreign countries and then complain about how it isn’t like America.

7. People who cc me on emails that have nothing to do with me because they want to prove how much work they are doing

8. People who say hopefully to mean “I hope”

9. People lie to me and tell me their dog is housetrained and then I agree to dog-sit for ten days and they go to Istanbul for two weeks and their dog pees on my couch and terrorizes my own dog

10. People who say “literally” when what they really mean is “a lot,” “very,” or “intensely”.

11. Jimmy Kimmel

12. People who mumble when they talk on the phone.

13. Oil companies.

14. People who rent me a house and agree that they will pay the phone bill and then I’ll give them money, and then don’t pay my phone bill and pretend that it was my job to deal with the phone bill all along but say as though they’re being helpful “well, I guess from now on I can pay the phone bill for you and you can give me money after.”

15. People who yell into the telephone.

16. People who try to get me to do their job for them without even admitting that’s what they are trying to do. I mean, I get other people to do my job for me, but I say so.

17. Microsoft software developers

18. Uncle Bob

19. People who misuse apostrophes, even though I do it myself when I get tired. (Hypocrisy does not bother me.)

20. People who don’t update their journals nearly as often as I want them to and leave me with nothing to read but Trancejen, who, thank god, updates like eleven times a day.

21. People who think chamomile tea tastes good.

22. My cousin Zed. (I think I’ve been calling him Zed. My cousin who owns the store my mom works in.)

23. Everybody affiliated in any way with America Online, including people who use it.

24. People who don’t return my phone calls

25. The communist party officials who decided it was reasonable to grow cotton in the middle of a DESERT thus resulting in the fact that I reside in a DESERT city in the middle of a DESERT and it’s HUMID today.

26. People who eat illegal caviar.

27. People who don’t believe in evolution

28. People who own those cats with the really short legs and think they’re cute instead of incredibly pathetic.

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USAID is one of many donors for the project I work for. The views expressed herein are the author’s own views and do not necessarily reflect those of the author’s employer or especially those of the United States Agency for International Development or the United States Government. And I mean it. I probably give the US government heart attacks.