Welcome to the land of Karmic justice. One of my friends just dumped me. She sent me an email that said “Something snapped in me early this summer and I haven’t been able to tolerate you or Kir since.” Since she was one of our best friends in Ashgabat, it’s a kind of a blow. I’m not going to name her here, not even by pseudonym, but I guess it will be clear who we’re not seeing any more.

I will miss her – she’s a lot of fun, and has been a good friend to Kir and I. But I am very glad she told me, because I knew something was wrong and I didn’t know what it was. Since she wasn’t admitting anything was wrong, I had no idea what to do, so I just kept acting normally, and treating her like a friend. What else do you do?

I wonder what I did, or if it was something Kir did, or if my worst fears have been confirmed and living in Ashgabat has made me unlikable. On the other hand, sometimes your friends just get on your nerves, and sometimes people just rub you the wrong way. If we started having that effect on her one day, life’s like that.

So I am sitting here feeing bad, but not with any real sense of self-doubt or blame. Just kind of low-grade miserable, which will, I hope, pass sometime soon.

It leaves Kir and I with no real friends in Ashgabat. Just a few halfway friends. It may be time for us to give up on having friends here.

Also thinking that maybe I could learn to be less judgmental and bitchy about other people. There is a line between being yourself and giving in to your worst impulses.

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USAID is one of many donors for the project I work for. The views expressed herein are the author’s own views and do not necessarily reflect those of the author’s employer or especially those of the United States Agency for International Development or the United States Government. And I mean it. I probably give the US government heart attacks.