So it turns out that I hate introspection. I think of myself as a pretty self-aware person. I can talk to my friends about my motivations in doing things, or work through personal issues. Good, yeah?

But as you know, I’ve been losing weight for a while now. Not so much lately, but enough. And I read a lot of weight-loss articles. And they always want you to write and examine things. What was your family’s attitude toward food? What triggers eating for comfort?

I totally hate writing about that stiff. It makes me cringe. I find myself automatically skipping the sections of articles that ask me to do stuff like that, almost without noticing I am doing so. When I consider it, I don’t just feel that way about weight loss introspection, so it’s not some kind of discomfort with that. I also hate workbooks that want you to find your career path by writing about your responses to office events, or even new agey spiritual growth writing.

Why? You’d think someone who keeps an ONLINE JOURNAL would be comfortable writing about herself. Do I feel like it’s a waste of time to write about stuff like that? (and it’s not a waste of time to write about the real reason my washer is leaking?) Do I feel like I don’t deserve so much attention?

I guess it might conflict my with self-view as someone who gets on with business and doesn’t waste a lot of time whining or overthinking things. Or, better put, someone who is efficient. I pride myself on efficiency, I think.

This focus on efficiency also means that it never in my life occurred to me until today that I could put lotion on every day even though my skin doesn’t need it. If I like lotion, I can smear it on. Why not? Someone the option just never crossed my mind. I am actually sitting here looking forward to lotioning when I get home. Freak. I never have any trouble eating, say, an ice cream cone for no practical purpose whatsoever. But toiletries, those have to be saved for emergencies?

What else can I do just because I want to? I need to explore this. How much have I been missing out on because Iwas waiting for necessity? I could take a hot bath. Read a book (while sitting still and doing nothing else.) Brush my hair (I have always enjoyed brushing my hair).

Okay, I need suggestions. Please Sign my guestbook and offer suggestions of things I can do just because I like to.

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USAID is one of many donors for the project I work for. The views expressed herein are the author’s own views and do not necessarily reflect those of the author’s employer or especially those of the United States Agency for International Development or the United States Government. And I mean it. I probably give the US government heart attacks.