I called Gulnara at work today. She's not there. I'm afraid this means she's still at her village and she's not coming back. I did what I could for her, right? I was a good friend and I did my best?

I am now feeling pretty icy with fear at Gulnara's absence, and with the weekend over I am back to the terrible waiting (to hear about the job), but it was a pretty good weekend. We spent it shopping.

On Saturday morning, Mom and I went handicraft shopping. First to the bookstore with crafts that I like, and then to an "Art Saloon" in the Hotel Tashkent. Mom bought all kinds of souvenirs, and I came home with a nice suzani embroidery. We also went to Tsum, to look for pots and pans and various other things we need for the new apartment. Normally I don't think of department stores as having much local colour, but going to Tsum reminded me of what an odd place Uzbekistan really is. Much like the bazaars, it's laid out in no logical order. And much like the bazaars, it's made up of individual vendors, so you may see the same things over and over again, like matroushka dolls and fake amber. Things you saw last week may not be there next week, and the stock varies from $300 leather goods to cotton clothes for under a buck.

In the afternoon, we went to the Ippodrome, a giant bazaar (actually three bazaars together) where you can buy new stuff - clothes, leather goods, fabric, housewares, and so on. Mom was more interested in watching all the people than she was in shopping, but I expected that. I really just brought her for people watching.

We had dinner at the nice Korean restaurant where they only speak Russian.

On Sunday we were determined to go to Tezikofka, an enormous bazaar of used stuff. Our first attempt to get there, via metro, bus, and taxi failed. We then tried again in another taxi - a rickety poison green Lada with a villainous looking driver. But the man knew his way around the city and took us to the bazaar's new home. Once we got there, it was a cacophony of random stuff - sewing machine parts, used books, old clothes, dishes and cutlery and everything else you can think of. We bought any number of things. I bought an old Soviet watch and some Czech crystal glasses. Kir got books. Mom bought souvenirs. Then we homed in on the highlight of the visit.

We bought a puppy.

An utterly adorable, vaguely Pomeranian puppy. She's 2 and a half months old. She's cuddly and loving, and just exactly what we were looking for. She's also tiny, which us good - she'll have to go carry-on with me when I fly home in November.

It's a good thing I have a puppy, because even I have to admit that the situation here is getting a little rough. People at work are scared, rumour has it the Taleban declared jihad against Uzbekistan, and now people are thinking the Taleban may send terrorists to major cities in Uzbekistan. And while I am fairly sanguine about the possibilities of the IMU or Hizb-ut-Tahrir attacking the big international organization where I work, I am less calm about the thought of the Taleban. I have a feeling that the Taleban sees my organization as the enemy as much as it seems the US that way. They have certainly shown no mercy to relief workers so far.

I am actually glad that Mom is leaving in two weeks. I find myself strongly tempted to send Kir and the puppy out too. But I think I'm just panicking - responding to the mood of fear at my office today. And I know that the people here who are fearing don't have any information to base it on, so there is no reason there fear should be contagious. But seeing Anastasia white as a sheet all day at her desk is not the kind of thing that inspires calm confidence. What makes me feel truly bad is that in the end I have very little to fear. The US embassy will get me out if it comes to that. My Uzbek friends have no such option; they're in this for the long haul whether they want to or not. I wish I could take them all with me somehow. It will feel like an act of rank cowardice if I leave this place when the shit comes down and I leave people I care about behind while I depart unscathed.

I suppose that foreigners would flee the US if things began to happen there - I know a bunch of international students went home after sep 11th, but somehow it doesn't feel like quite the same thing. Maybe this is a topic for the discussion board if anyone wants to get involved? You can get to it here.

I haven't done much at work today. Wrote an article that may or may not be published, thought about the concept paper I'm supposed to be writing. I also spent much of the day tracking down the phone number for Turkish airlines so that I could nag them about Mom's luggage, and finding a vet so that Mom and Kir can take the puppy for shots. Information her is so hard to access. No yellow pages, no convenient websites with phone numbers. I got the name of the vet by calling a friend and asking her to call her friend who has a dog for the number of a good vet. I got the Turkish airlines number by asking a guy at work. I tried the internet for both pieces of information and failed miserably.

This is a monster entry - that's what happens when I write it on and off all day with a word processor instead of on the Diaryland site. On the bright side, there should be no misspellings.

"This doesn't mean that I'm not a patriot; I believe in the luminous possibility this country still rolls between its hands like dice…I don't invoke the flag because I'm still holding out for the ideals behind it; after more than 200 years, flag waving still feels premature." Erin Aubrey Kaplan on Alternet

Since the terrorist attacks. I have found myself hungry for the kind of chewy foreign policy articles I used to read at Georgetown. I've been reading Jane's and "Foreign Affairs" online. CNN doesn't satisfy me; I want analysis. Difficult words and references to international relations theory. I guess I'm glad I have the education to read these things, if I'm going to crave them.

(odd proliferation of food words in the last paragraph)

This website makes me feel odd for reasons only those who know me in real life will understand. Nonetheless, I suggest everyone check it out and sign the petition. Just because Pakistan is an ally doesn't mean they can get away with stuff like this.

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USAID is one of many donors for the project I work for. The views expressed herein are the author’s own views and do not necessarily reflect those of the author’s employer or especially those of the United States Agency for International Development or the United States Government. And I mean it. I probably give the US government heart attacks.